Dear Daphne,
I moved to York from Inverness nearly a year ago now, and even though I’ve built a life here, I still feel so homesick. I came down for work and I really do love York. I’ve made some lovely friends, and I’ve even been seeing someone for a while, but part of me still feels unsettled. Some days I’m happy and settled, and other days my heart aches for home and everyone I’ve left behind up north. I don’t want to leave, but I don’t fully feel like I belong either. Does that homesick feeling ever go away, or am I always going to feel torn like this?
Freya, York.
Dear Freya,
Short answer, yes, it eases. Longer answer, no, it doesn’t vanish overnight, and that doesn’t mean you’ve made the wrong choice. You’ve moved a long way, built a whole new life, and your heart simply hasn’t caught up with your postcode yet. That’s not failure, that’s adjustment.
Homesickness isn’t a sign you should pack your bags and head back north; it’s a sign you loved your old life properly. Over time, York will stop feeling like “where you live” and start feeling like “home as well.” One day you’ll realise you’ve got two places that matter, and that knot in your stomach will loosen its grip.
Don’t rush yourself. You’re allowed to miss Inverness while still building something here. It’s not an either-or situation, even if it feels like it on the tougher days. You’re not lost, you’re just mid-journey.
Love Daphne x
Dear Daphne,
I’m really struggling and don’t know what to do. I recently found the dating app Grindr on my boyfriend’s phone. Since then, my head’s been all over the place. I don’t know if he’s cheating, questioning his sexuality, or both. He hasn’t mentioned it, and I’m scared to bring it up in case it blows everything up. I love him, but the not knowing is really affecting my mental health. What should I do?
Becky, York.
Dear Becky,
Not knowing is doing far more damage than the truth ever could. Sitting quietly, replaying every scenario in your head and pretending everything’s fine isn’t protecting your relationship; it’s just exhausting you. Your mind deserves a rest.
You don’t need accusations, ultimatums, or a dramatic confrontation. What you do need is honesty. Tell him what you saw and how it made you feel, calmly and clearly. If he’s questioning things, that’s a conversation you have every right to be part of. If he’s cheating, you deserve to know that, too. Either way, clarity beats lying awake at night playing emotional detective.
And here’s the blunt bit. If asking a straightforward question “blows everything up,” then it was already wobbling. Good relationships don’t collapse because someone asked for the truth; they collapse because someone hid it. Love should not feel like you’re constantly bracing for impact.
Look after your mental health first. You are not asking for too much, you’re asking for honesty. And you certainly don’t need to live in limbo just to keep the peace. Peace that costs you your sanity isn’t peace at all.
Love Daphne x
Dear Daphne,
My housemate is constantly on FaceTime with her friends, and it’s starting to drive me mad. It’s not the odd catch-up, it’s pretty much nonstop, sometimes with the call just left on while they do their own thing. The worst part is the late-night conversations and giggling when I’m trying to sleep. I’m not a killjoy, but I’m close to losing my patience and I don’t know how to ask her to tone it down without causing an argument. Any advice?
Amelia, Heslington.
Dear Amelia,
You’re not a killjoy, you’re a functioning adult who needs sleep, not a background extra in someone else’s FaceTime soap opera. Leaving a call running all night is less “staying connected” and more like accidentally turning the house into a call centre.
This doesn’t need to become a full-blown house meeting with bullet points, tension and minute taking. Just be direct and calm. Say something like, “I don’t mind you being on FaceTime, but the late-night calls are waking me up. Can you keep it quieter after a certain time?” That’s not rude, it’s basic shared-living etiquette.
If she gets offended, that’s her problem, not yours. Shared houses run on compromise, not midnight giggling and whispered gossip echoing through thin walls. And if she still doesn’t take the hint, remind her that earphones were invented for exactly this reason.
You’re entitled to sleep in your own home. If she wants a 24-hour FaceTime audience, she can always take the show elsewhere.
Love Daphne x
Dear Daphne,
I kissed one of my mates on a night out, and now he’s acting like we’re basically engaged. It was a drunken mistake, a one-off, and definitely not the start of some epic love story. He’s messaging constantly, hinting about “what this means,” and I’m cringing myself into oblivion. How do I shut this down without ruining the friendship or making it unbearably awkward like it’s already becoming?
Beth, Haxby.
Dear Beth,
You need to shut this down now, before he’s mentally picking out curtains, thinking about paint samples, and telling people you’re “taking things slow.” The longer you let this drag on, the more convinced he’ll become that this kiss was the opening scene of a rom-com rather than what it actually was: a drunken blip.
You need a proper, grown-up conversation. No flirting, no “maybe one day,” and definitely no softening it with emojis. Tell him plainly that you care about him as a friend, the kiss was a mistake, and it isn’t going anywhere. It will be uncomfortable, yes, but nowhere near as uncomfortable as spending the next six months dodging messages and wondering if you’ve accidentally agreed to meet his mum.
If the friendship survives honesty, it was strong enough to handle the truth. If it doesn’t, then it was already hanging on by a thread. Either way, being clear now is far kinder than letting him plan a future you have absolutely no intention of starring in.
Rip the plaster off, love. It’s awkward either way, but this way at least you get your life back.
Love, Daphne x
Add a comment